Separated
by AmazonPro
Summary: When something happens to cry he tries his best to get back to his lover; Pewdiepie aka Felix, Although it may not be possible. Can he do it? Will he return to Felix? (Boyxboy warning. Pewdiecry. Only pewdiepie's human name used (cry doesn't wish for his real name to be used)
1. Not such a good day

The sight, it made my heart stop. It made my body freeze up. Seeing my boyfriend holding a gun up to his head... I didn't know how to respond. Goddamn it brain process! I really needed to stop him. But how? I was invisible to him. He cannot see me anymore, fear and hatred shielded his sight so he couldn't see.

"Felix!" I tried to yell, my voice not reaching him "Felix no please!" My knees began to wobble, it was hard to stand but I did more than that. I got myself to step forward then made my way into a full out sprint, trying to reach the one with the gun. But it was too late.

With a quiet shaky voice he said "I'll be with you soon, cry," Then Felix pulled the trigger and he was gone. A gush of blood spat from the spot the bullet went through his head as Felix was knocked to his side from the impact.

"FELIX NO!" I couldn't stand any longer, my knees grew weak then I fell. I fell and sobbed in front of the man I loved, the one whom killed himself for me. It wasn't fair! He had such a life to live... So much a head of him that he will never get to do. It was all my fault. If I hadn't been so useless I would've saved both of us.

It was five months before this incident when I was casually walking down a deserted street, listening to music through my earplugs. A smile lingered on my face from the thought of seeing Felix once I got home. That day was quite busy and I was in fact tired. Everything was fine until I saw a shadow of some-one behind me.

They looked to have a hoodie covering their head and something in their hand. My heart froze briefly. "I'm just getting myself scared, this isn't a horror game," I thought to myself as I continued to walk. The shadow followed me. I was starting to get suspicious so I paused my music and listened to what was behind me. I almost looked back.

I wish I would've started to run when I saw that damned shadow; but I didn't. The next thing I knew was a new burning sensation in my left shoulder. I felt my skin being ripped apart as a warm liquidly substance soaked my shirt. Looking at my shoulder I screamed when I saw a blade deep within my skin and a hand attached to it; turning the blade which caused the pain to increase it's affect on me.

"Hey there fucker, you've been on my list for a while now. It's time to check you off," The person whom was stabbing my shoulder spun me around to face him. His features were completely covered which made him look fucking scary. Dry and wet blood covered the black hoodie he wore and the loose fitting jeans which hung low on him.

"The fuck?! stop it hurts!" Tears flowed from my eyes as the man pushed me back with a force that sent me to the hard pavement. I heard a crack from my back but it didn't hurt too much.

"I'm sorry; does this feel any worse?" The man knelt down, a knee holding me down, as he reached towards my leg. He gripped it with two hand and with incredible strength he snapped it. A rather loud cracking sound filled the air along with a blood curdling scream which came from myself. By this time I was crying tears like a river.

"You little fuck. Grow up, be a goddamn man and fight back!" I tried to respond but the man turned to my face and touched the tip of his blade to the curves of my lips.

"I saw this in a movie once. I thought it would be fun to test it out. Lets see," With little force the man pressed the blade into the skin of my outer lip, carving the features of them. It hurt, like hell, blood filled my mouth with a metallic taste. He moved from my lips and I tried to struggle but my energy was put to no use; there was no way I could escape anyways. Then something horrible happened, the man removed my mask from my face, leaving me no protection from anything. I then felt the blade carving other features of my face but leaving my eyes be.

"You should have one of your features unharmed. It wouldn't be right otherwise," I wish I could've screamed at him that it isn't right anyway but the pain was too much. The edge of my sight was black, everything was becoming merged into one shape. One coloure. The last thing I felt was the blade being stabbed several into my stomach. The man then got up and left me there.

I then felt nothing. I heard nothing. I saw nothing; but darkness. And I was gone.

At least I thought.

It felt like a few seconds after when I saw light. It was bright and it put me into a trance. The light turned into a bright white door as another door was placed to the left of this first, this one was black.

Behind the white door I could see pure white light shinning everywhere, I could hear melodies of the most beautiful voices I've heard.

Behind the black one was just blackness circling into each other. I could heard a laugh over powering screams of pain. Nothing about that door was pleasant although I had the urge to go forwards and open it. I moved towards the door but before I could open it another door showed itself. Its coloure was something I couldn't ever hope to explain. I opened it and walked through.

With a flash I was back... Where? It looked like home. But it was different. The room I was in was dark and filled with cobwebs. I walked out of the room and saw the hall was dark as well. A room caught my attention; it had a small light beam emitting from it. I ran into the room and saw a sight that crushed me.

It was Felix. He looked much skinner. A lot paler. There was bags under his eyes and he was staring at his computer screen. There was a picture of me. What was happening?

"Felix?" I called. No response. "Pewds?" I said louder, but again there was nothing. With a huff I tried to touch his shoulder but something terrifying happened; my hand went through.

"W-What?" And then it hit me. From all those T.v shows I used to watch and movies... I remembered one like the situation I was in. A person was murdered and tried to reach their loved ones but couldn't... They were separated; in a different dimension. But I wasn't dead... Was I?

I looked to my hands and saw them and they were pale. I brought one up to where my heart should be and their was no movement. I noticed that I didn't have to breathe either.

"Oh no... No.. No no no no! This can't be! Please no! Felix! Please felix hear me please!" If I was able to create tears I would be shedding them until a river was made. I was separated from my one love; Pewdiepie, Pewds, Felix. Because of that goddamn man with the blade.

It was his fault. It was my fault too. I didn't try to help myself or even scream for help. I was too afraid to.

I tearlessly sobbed as I saw Felix, who was in front of me, start crying. I was heartbroken. If I had a heart anymore...

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**A/N:** I hate myself for doing this to cry. Ugh why am I so mean. Tell me if I should continue or not-shrug- it's up to you. Anyone catch that reference to the hunger games? Yeah. Blame the crapyness to my sick self. Well... Bye. For now?


	2. Communications

**A/N: **I didn't expect people to actually like this. Thank you to who reviewed so far it means a lot. The first part of the chapter is in PewDiePie's POV

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I tossed and turned in my sleep. A horrible nightmare took over my brain. That had been occurring since... That fucking day the police told me about cry...

It was what? Four months ago in a few days when I heard a loud knock on the door. Thinking it was cry I scurried over and opened the wooden contraption, with a big smile and arms spread to the sides.

"Hey Cr- uhm hello officer...," My face dropped at the sight of a male in a police's attire.

"Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg,"

"That's me... What is it?" A visit from a police officer is not a good thing right? I didn't remember anything illegal or wrong I did so what could be the case? Fuck... It could be a video I posted recently... But I felt that that wasn't it. The look in the officers eyes was sympathetic.

"You're connected to cry?" I nodded slowly. "I'm sorry but this is not good news for you,"

"W-What happened?"

"We have found the body of a male. He looks to be in his twenties. His drivers license says his name is cry. (A/N: I promised I wouldn't put his name. This will have to do) He seems to have been murdered in the past few hours," I felt my heart stop. My eyes began to water but I let no tears fall. Cry... Murdered... It can't fucking be! What son of a bitch would even lay a hand on cry!? He's never done anything to deserve it. God dammit

"W-Where is h-he now?"

"His body still lays at the crime scene for further investigation. We have not yet found any evidence as to who committed the crime other then a knife is the victims gut," my knees began to grow weak...

"C-Can I see h-him...,"

"I'm sorry sir but you may not," I clenched my jaw as my eyes went cold. This was the first time I've ever been so stern, so mad and hateful.

"I'm going to see him,"

"Sir-!"

"BRING ME TO MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND! I don't care wether or not I can! Shouldn't I be allowed?! I don't see why I can't so take me now," The officer gave myself another sympathetic look. He was one of the nicer police men...

"I suppose you can see him. But you cannot touch the victim,"

"I wont...," The man started walking away and I quickly followed behind, almost forgetting to lock the door. It wasn't a long walk until I saw him. There cry was, sprawled on the floor, dry and wet blood covering his stomach and shoulder areas. His one leg was bent at a strange angle, his mask tossed beside him.

"C-Cry," That's were I lost it. I fell to my knees in agony. My hands covered my face as I began to sob. The sight was horrid; cry dead on the ground just a few meters away. It was awful. There was a pain in my heart and it fucking killed. It felt like It was being torn apart and thrown into a fierce flame.

I'm not sure how long I was there... I cried until no more tears were able to be shed. I was practically kicked out of the crime scene and escorted home.

Several months pasted by and I locked myself in my room. I stopped making youtube videos. Everyone was wondering what happened to myself and cry... If only they knew. The only connection to the outside world in those months was when I called Scott and Russ, cry's friends, and sobbed at them while explained what happened to cry. The two of them at first got mad at me for not protecting cry. I didn't blame them; I actually agreed to their accusation.

If I was a better boyfriend I could have protected cry and the whole incident could be avoided. But I was a fucking genius and in no way was by his side...

The phone calls ended all the same; they both saying that they would be here in time for cry's funeral in which I arranged to be... On our anniversary. When I noticed my horrible mistake of dates I chocked out and for the millionth time in a short period of time, broke down into tears. Whoever did this to cry... Was going to pay. I'd do anything to avenge cry...

I wasn't my normal self. Could you tell? I would usually always smile, make jokes, and be a complete idiot... But then cry... And I was just a plain grey blob.

Somehow I ended up in front of my computer screen looking at pictures of cry and myself together... Then just one of cry.

Suddenly I felt as if someone was watching me. That I wasn't the only one in the room. I didn't bother looking behind me though. Obviously no one was there... But the feeling of being alone made me sob.

**Cry POV**

"Cry... Fuck why cry," Felix tried wiping away his tears only to have more replace the ones wiped away.

"P-Pewds I'm right here," My voice cracked. I tried hugging him but to no avail. I just went through him like I was nothing; which I was.

Pewdie got up from his seat and trudged over to the bed we used to share, laying down on his side. I watched him for a few minutes until he seemed to be sleeping. Then I walked to the bed and laid beside him, not physically able to sleep.

Wait...

I could lay on the bed without going through it. My eyes widened and I sat up. I reached over to the night stand and picked up a picture frame. How was that possible?

"I can touch everything... Except for Felix...?" I came to that conclusion. It was strange. I thought about it for a moment, tapping my chin. I was on earth still. I was able to see everything. Was I stuck between lives? Indeed I was.

"If I can touch things then...," I walked to where the pens were kept and I grabbed one along with a sheet of paper. Maybe I could contact Felix this way. Tell him that I'm fine. I brought the tip of the pen to the paper and began writing

_Dear Felix,_

_Hello Friend. It's been several months. I've missed you. So very much. You don't even know. I love you Felix. More than anything. I hope you still now that._

_Even though you cannot see me, I can see you. I don't know how but I think I'm stuck between lives. I can touch everything but you. That's the reason why I can write this to you. I'm hoping this could be a way we can communicate? I understand if you don't want to._

_I just need to say that I'm so sorry that I left you. I.. I can't even explain how sorry I am. I didn't fight that man back. I let him murder me. I'm an idiot. I was too terrified for_ myself _that I never thought of you and how much it would effect you._

_I'll still be with you. No matter what. When you wake up and read this I'll be beside you._

_Please talk to me. I'm so lonely without you. You talk and I write. We'll communicate until_ _I figure out how to_ _move on._

-_cry_

I placed the paper in the side table beside pewds and sat back on the bed, awaiting the morning.

The sun rose and Felix did with it. When he noticed the note I bit back my tongue.

**PewDiePie's POV:**

I woke up in a very tired state the next morning. I had another horrible dream about the murder of cry.

Looking over to my left I noticed a piece of paper on my side table. It wasn't there before. I reached over and picked up the paper in my shaky hands and started to read it.

My eyes widened wider and wider as I read on. I finished reading and set the paper back down on the stand. Cry.. Was there. In the room with me? No.. Somebody was messing with me. I had to figure out wether or not it was true.

"Cry... You're here..? Please tell me if you are..," There was nothing. With a sigh I thought that the letter was nothing until I saw a new sentence written on it.

"_Yes, Felix. I'm beside you my friend_,_"_

"H-How?" I continued to look at the paper as more and more sentences appeared.

"_I told you; I don't know,"_

"I miss you so fucking much,"

"_Me too...,"_

"I want to see you again,"

_"That's not possible,"_

"It is...,"

_"No! You're not doing that pewdie,"_

"I want to see you!"

_"But we're never sure that you will if you kill yourself.. You know what happens when people commit suicide... They_ _go to hell,"_

"A life without you is no life worth living,"

_"I wont let you do it,"_

"You can't stop me,"

_"Pewds_._.. Please...,"_

"Fine... Just for now,"

_"Thank you,"_

I sighed. At least I know he's okay and with me. So I'm not alone... Sort of. I thought about what it would be like in cry's shoes. What would I do if I was stuck between lives? I saw a new sentence.

_"Pewdie... You know I'm gone for good now. I cannot come back to you no matter how much I want to... You should find someone else who can make you happy. Just know that I approve on_ _whoever it is,"_

"No fucking way cry! Do you seriously think I would just so easily move on like that!? No!"

_"Be happy,"_

"I can't. I wish you had extra lives like characters do in video games... Or.. Or a reset button that makes the past four months reset and never happen,"

_"Well... Maybe there's a way...,"_

"If there is... I would love to find it,"

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**A/N:** second day second chapter. I'm on a roll. Cinnamon roll. Review to tell me what I need to work on! I know there's a lot to fix and get better at.


	3. Goodbye

**A/N: **This may be the second last chapter. This fanfiction will not be long.

* * *

PewDiePie POV:

A couple days passed and cry was still writing me. He made sure I ate properly, slept normally, and had a social life. He was like a mother.

As I walked up to the calendar which hung on a nail in the wall my eyes saddened. It was that day. Quickly I shook the memories of the past years out of my head and turned to a clock

The clock told me that I had an hour to get ready before I had to leave. It felt as if I didn't have a spirit anymore as I trudged over to my rather large closet. Every action took much more energy then it should need. What should I wear...

I ran a hand through my blond hair with a depressed sigh. I knew exactly what to wear but I didn't have the heart to take it out. My closet was filled with clothing, fancy and casual. I remembered one specific shirt cry admitted to love seeing me in. I wanted to wear it for him.

The door creaked a bit as I opened it further so I could step through and have more space to look. Green striped... No... Plain red... No...

"There you are...," I bit back my tongue as the hanger came off the rail with little force. The shirt was set off to the side. My eyes scanned the closet once more in search for the next article of clothing; pants. I searched my memory for what it looked like. It wasn't until a metallic taste filled my mouth did I realize I was biting my tongue a bit too hard. That habit seemed to come when I thought too hard.

Instead of the pants I found the black coloured blazer I was going to wear. My eyes looked through the fucking jungle of a closet in search of those damn pants! They were nowhere in sight. Wasn't that fabulous?

I kicked a pair of black polished dress shoes out of the closet. I was starting to get frustrated... Fast.

"God fucking dammit!" For the truth sake, I wasn't frustrated because of the pants situation. Actually; I wasn't really that frustrated. I was stressed out. Maybe some ice cream would help... Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

The muscles in my arms stiffened along with the rest of my body. stressed spelt backwards is desserts. A sound came chocking out of my mouth as I realized... Cry would say that to me every time I was stressed. He would sit next to me and offer a cheeky smile and say that exact line. It would make me laugh and I felt better. Fuck...

I shook my head "Just find the pants Felix. Find the fucking pants" with an aggressive force I pushed back half the hangers of pants and just to my luck I found the ones I was looking for. Thank you God. The pants soon met up with the rest of the outfit. It looked fine together. The blazer was completely black along with the pants and shoes but the shirt that belonged under the blazer was a delicate hue of blue.

That was the shirt cry loved.

I sniffled a bit while remembering the last time I'd worn it. The memory bubble popped before I let it grow bigger and rounder until it had my brain in it, making me remember the moments my heart couldn't bear remembering. The only thing I let myself remember was that cry said the blue in the shirt brought out the blue in my eyes.

With only forty minutes left I stripped down to my boxers then changed into my almost all black attire. Wasn't there a rule that at funerals you had to wear all black? I shrugged. My blue shirt would be apart of my attire no matter rules or not. It was for the sake of cry. So fuck that.

The long mirror on a stand showed myself from head to toe. My clothing looked fine but something was missing. I just couldn't put a finger on it. Oh a belt! Swiftly I tugged a belt through the loops of my pants and latched it tightly around my waist. Again, I looked into the mirror. Something else was missing.

My shoes were fine. Pants were fine. Blazer was fine. I would fix my hair after. Hm. I tapped my chin in thought. It was something that was complicated to put on- to tie on! A tie was what it was. I went back to the mess of a closet and looked at the specific hanging rack for ties. There were no plain ties...

I glanced over my shoulder at a door at the other side of the room. It looked untouched and cold. My breath hitched as I walked over to it. Hesitantly my warm hand grabbed a hold of the sickening cold metal and slowly turned it. With a click the white door opened to reveal a closet that looked to be untouched for months; which it was. It was Cry's closet.

I took a breath in through the nose and my blue hues watered a bit at the scent; the scent of Cry which still lingered in a taunting way. I wondered if "cry" was in the room.

I let out a shaky breath and I hit the light switch with a fist. Everything illuminated and became more clear to see. The closet was probably half ,or close to it,filled with hoodies. Cry did love his hoodies. I found it cute how everyday he either wore one or had one tied around his delicate waist.

Ever so quickly I walked to the hanging rack of ties and took a pure black one then I turned back. The lights were shut off in the same manner they were turned on. I then closed the creaky door behind myself and hoped to recover quick.

I took the tie in two hands and brought it around my neck and tied it to the best of my abilities; cry would usually fix it...

The material around my neck gave off a scent that burned my nostrils, in a good way. The scent was of cry; I did always love the way he smelt. It was hard to explain but his scent was unique like nothing I've ever smelt.

Burning nostrils and watering eyes were the side affects of cry's tie. Along with the painful memory of him wearing the exact material. So long ago... But only a few months in reality.

Looking back in the mirror I deemed my clothing ready to be seen in public; the next thing that needed to be worked on was my hair. Because I was extraordinarily lazy that morning I still had a major case of bed head that didn't match my attire.

As I walked into the bathroom it still felt a little warm from the steam of the shower I had the previous night. Warm water against warm tears; my regular showers.

I got out a brush and brought it to the monster that was my hair.

"Time to tame the beast," I muttered then pulled the poor brush through my locks until one section was smooth and knot free. By the time my hair was just about knot free my hand was sore and the brush felt as if it was going to snap and break at any moment. With one last tug my hair was smoothed out and just a bit fluffy. Just as if a small dog was on my head.

I brought my sight to the drawers as I searched for any tools to use for my hair. Usually my hair wouldn't look like that but since I had a shower and went to bed with a wet head of hair, it just dried as an afro.

All I could find were a few bottles of... I don't even give a shit about and a straightener. Why did I even have a straightener? I don't think cry ever needed it; his hair was always natural. Maybe it from when Marzia and I were dating all those years ago.

With a shrug of the shoulders I carelessly plugged in the straighter cuz why the hell not? Like they say... When Pewds finds a straightener...

It turned out that the straightener takes a while to heat up so I walked out of the bathroom and trudged down the stairs; almost tripping on the second step.

I had twenty minutes to get ready.

My stomach growled angrily reminding me that I forgot to feed it again. I made my way to the kitchen with a plan to make toast. After two or so minutes some bread was in the toaster. As I waited for the toast I debated on wether to have peanut butter, jam, or Nutella. Peanut butter sounded a bit too dry for the morning, Jam was a bit sweet, so I went with Nutella.

My fingers tapped against the counter until I noticed a piece of paper on the table. Walking over to it, I picked up the white sheet and read the note.

_Mornin Felix! Do you remember? September? Haha. I certainty do. Happy anniversary, love! This is not at all how I thought I would spend it. But hey at least I still get to see you._

_I heard you set my funeral and to be today. If you don't mind could I come? I know it sounds weird; attending my own funeral but... I just want to._

_Love you Pewdie_

_-Cry_

I bit my bottom lip harshly and counted up from one to whatever number I felt better at; At 564 I decided it was useless.

"Y-Yes Cry... You can come if you really want to," As if on cue, the toast popped out of the toaster. I walked over to it and grabbed the crumbly piece of food. The nutella spread on like butter and soon enough I devoured two pieces. I grabbed a napkin and wiped my face then threw it out.

Just then I realized that the straightener was on. With ten minutes to do everything else I sprinted into the washroom and grabbed the straightener. How did it work? Remembering back to when Marzia straightened her hair helped me figure it out. Grab hair, get straightener, put hair in straightener, clamp down and pull until my hair was straight. I had to say; Genius Pewds striked again. I was glad I was able to crack jokes in my head once more.

After a while my hair looked pretty straight so I sprayed it with some random shit spray which smelt awful. Looking back in the head to toe mirror I looked pretty spiffy. My hair matched my attire pretty well.

I grabbed my toothbrush and paste then started to brush my teeth as quickly as possible. After finishing I put everything away.

The time said I had a minute yet.

With a loud mutter of shit I grabbed some cologne and put it on. I made sure I remembered to turn all the hot stuff off and I grabbed my keys, heading out the door.

The car door opened and I slipped into it while closing the door behind me. I jammed the keys into the car and turned them, making the machine turn alive. The gears switched and I began driving to the church were the ceremony would be held.

A half hour later I was inside the church along with plenty of other people such as; cry's family, his friends along with youtube friends, and a bunch of other people whom I couldn't find a category for.

In every row were three tissue boxes which were going to be well needed. Mostly everyone was red nosed and has moist eyes already.

I was fine until... Until the brown wooden rectangle covered by a white sheet with a cross was rolled into the room and caught everyone's attention. The church's music fit the scene all to well. Because I was seated in the first row, the box which contained cry's body was rolled right beside me. By then I was already a goner. My nose stung along with my eyes. The sight of the priest was getting wavy with the more tears that filled my eyes.

Tears kept coming and coming and coming. They overfilled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. The salty wet substance dripped down my chin; some down my neck and others onto my blazer. The voice of the priest was stinging my ears. A minute in and I was silently sobbing; not wanting to disturb anyone else.

The ceremony went on and I heard the priest say there are some people who would say a little speech. I wiped my eyes with a kleenex and pocketed it while waiting to hear the speeches. First was one of Cry's best friends. He talked about how awesome cry was. The next was his mother. She said how blessed she was to have such an amazing son. The next person shocked me.

"Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg," I nodded and walked up to the podium and my mouth went dry. I was used to so many people looking and listening and watching me but it was so much different then. With a deep breath I began.

"W-We all know of this amazing person, cry. He was and is such an important person in all of our lives... In different ways for each of us. For some; he was a great son. For others; he was an amazing friend. But for me... For me cry was everything. He was and most definitely is my everything. I don't even know where I would be if I never met him. I am certainty glad I did. Our first encounter was over the internet, most of you know we were gamers on youtube. We played video games together and even though we never even met in person, we instantly became best friends. Cry would always be the one to cheer me up over Skype when I was down even if it was four AM in the morning for him," I paused for a moment and chuckled.

"Then that amazing day when we met in person. That's when I fell in love with him. His laugh, his smile, his everything and entire being. I couldn't point out a single thing I didn't love. A few months passed and I moved in with cry. I was the most happy I've ever been. A person couldn't ever make another happy more than cry made me. He was perfect. He means the world to me. That awful day when he passed... I have to say that I blame myself. I wasn't there to protect him from the dangers of this world. I wasn't able to do that for him. I regret it more than anything. I love cry so much and ever so dearly. If I could I would trade my life fore his. Even after he has passed I still feel his presents.

I have a question for all of you. How differently would your lives be if you never met cry? It would be a sad difference. Whenever Cry was around he brought a smile to all of our faces.

He was a good man. A great one. He cared and was kind to all. We send our regards to you Cry; we all love you," I bowed my head and went back to my seat, sniffling and wiping away the tears that came to my eyes during my speech.

It was nothing compared to what I could of done. I wasn't prepared but I hoped it was okay. All around me I heard sniffles and chocks of tears. The priest bowed his head for a moment, looked to the sky and made the sign of the cross.

Five minutes passed and the priest said a blessing above cry's coffin then began to release fumes around it. At first I had no Idea what it was, but it smelt pretty awful. I tolerated it for cry.

The funeral ended a while later with the coffin being rolled back down the isle and into a black limo. I was directed to sit in the limo and I did. The next thing I knew we were at a graveyard most likely to barry Cry. My limbs went numb once we parked and a man who was cry's father had to use force to get me out of the car, he as well escorted me to the hole in the ground where Cry was to be placed.

Some rituals(?) happened and the next thing I knew Cry was being placed into the hole in the ground.

"N-No! Cry no! P-Please C-Cry please don't leave!," I started to wail "CRY! COME BACK CRY I LOVE YOU NO PLEASE!" I was sobbing. Someone tried to calm me down but I started to thrash around. My knees grew week and I fell to the ground in a heap, sobbing my heart out.

"Cry goddammit w-why? Why!" Tears were flying and hands were all over me, trying to send myself comfort; it was not helping at all. After ten minutes or so I was reduced to sniffling until I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Here dude," I was handed a rose to place on the coffin. Hesitantly I shifted to my knees and looked at the coffin. I said a prayer and a goodbye to cry and with a kiss, gently placed the rose on top of the rectangle wooden structure.

I was unmoving while dirt was being poured on top of Cry. I whimpered and my bottom lip quivered. Then it was time to go home. Cry's father knelt in front of myself and took a hold of my shoulders, looking directly into my empty and soulless eyes.

"Felix, son, It's alright," He said reassuringly.

"N-No it's not... He's gone... Forever. I-It's all my fault," The sentence came out as a mere whisper.

"It is not your fault; there was nothing you could do. From what I was told you were not aware of the incident,"

"It doesn't matter! I should've been there for him! I wasn't! I'm horrible! I'm the one that deserves to die not Cry!"

"Felix. Felix get a hold of yourself. Cry is in a better place. Don't worry about him. I'm sure he wouldn't want to be the cause of your grief. Just live life on; it gets better. Remember that. Now you should get home it's getting late," Cry's father stood and left, leaving me to sniffle and think about what he said.

At around one AM in the morning I returned home. I was tired, depressed, stressed, and miserable. I didn't want to live. No. Not without Cry. I knew what Cry had said but my mind was in a blur. Everything was fuzzy. All my senses were weak. I went to the spare drawer and opened it, grabbing the black gun, it shook in my shaking hands. Collapsing onto the couch I lifted the weapon. I was scared. But I knew I had to do it. The barrel was to the side of my head and my finger shook against the trigger.

I felt someone else in the room with myself. It was probably Cry trying to stop me but it was too late. My mind was set and there was no going back. I took a breath and said my last words

"I'll be with you soon, Cry," My voice shook along with my sweaty hands. A finger grazed along the trigger and pushed down just hard enough.

And then BANG! I felt nothing and I saw nothing as the force of the blow pushed me onto my side.

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**A/N: **I'm rather proud of the chapter. Next chapter is the last or second last one! I don't know yet ^~^

Why is it that I stay up so late to write?


	4. Anniversary funeral

**A/N:** Short chapter, cry's POV of the previous chapter. (It's not necessary to read this chapter. I just wanted to share cry's reaction to pewds speech. Nothing new happens)

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It was around eleven fifty Pewdie was sleeping in our bed in a still matter. It wasn't like him. Usually he would thrash around and grab onto whatever was closest to himself; which used to be me.

I was bored out of my mind but there was nothing I could do. With a sigh I stood from my seated position and thought about what to do. My gaze lingered on the sleeping figure in the bed. He looked so sad even when sleeping; it was disheartening. Pewds was always smiling and laughing while cracking stupid yet funny jokes. But after the incident he changed so much; I broke him. Guilt gnawed at my insides. I felt so bad.

Before I knew it the clock turned to 12: 00 AM. Officially it was our anniversary.

"_Fuck_...," My voice wavered a bit but I quickly controlled and steadied it. It was just another day...

"_I should wish_ _Pewds a happy anniversary... Yeah_," Quickly, I looked back at pewds one last time then headed down the stairs and into the decent sized kitchen. Soon the tip of a pen was touching a smooth sheet of paper. I thought about what to say. It had to be something sweet but brief so Pewds doesn't feel any worse then he would. I began writing:

_Mornin Felix! Do you remember? September? Haha. I certainty do. Happy anniversary, love! This is not at all how I thought I would spend it. But hey at least I still get to see you._

_I heard you set my funeral and to be today. If you don't mind could I come? I know it sounds weird; attending my own funeral but... I just want to._

_Love you Pewdie_

_-Cry_

I put the pen away and made set the paper nicely on the kitchen table for Felix to see whenever he did. I hoped the joke in the beginning of the letter set him a ease if only just a bit. The line "do you remember... September" was from a video we did a while ago. Pewds cracked the joke and my character jumped off whatever it was standing on. It was funny but hopefully Pewdie doesn't get upset if he remembered the death of my character... Maybe that wasn't the best thing to put.

For the rest of the night all I did was think(mostly about Felix) , look at the portraits of us that hung on the wall or on shelves. The memories of the pictures were both happy and sad.

Morning soon came and I heard movement upstairs; most likely Pewdie waking up and getting changed. The probability of him getting changed made me decide to stay downstairs.

Almost twenty minutes had passed when I heard the sound of Felix trudging down the stairs. I stood by the letter I wrote as he entered the room. His attire was almost completely black. His blazer, pants, and shoes were pure black. I noticed he was wearing a tie; my tie. I remembered it from when I wore it to dinner on our last anniversary. And then the shirt... It made me smile. An actual smile. I guessed he had remembered that I loved that shirt; it brought out the beautiful blue of his eyes. Pewdie was wearing that shirt for me.

"_Thank you... You look handsome_," Although Felix couldn't hear me talking as he put his toast in the toaster I still said it,it had to be said. The blond turned around as if to face me but I knew that wasn't his intention. It took him a minute or so to notice the white paper on the table but once he took noticed it was already in his hands.

Pewdie bit his lip with a harsh force. Was he counting up like he usually did when stressed or sad? Most likely... I guess the joke wasn't a good ice breaker.

"Y-Yes cry... You can come if you really want to," Felix stuttered when responding to my question.

"_Thank you, friend_," Just then Pewdie's toast was finished. He soon consumed his breakfast and wiped his face, making his way back upstairs. I sat on one of the chairs at the table, resting my chin on my hand which was propped up by my elbow.

"_Going to my own funeral... I wonder what will happen_," I'd never been to a funeral before; only once when I was really young and I didn't remember a thing. I knew that at funerals a priest says blessings to the body and speeches are made... That's practically all my brain would remember for me.

I though for a long while but the sound of keys clanging together brought me back to reality. Pewdie opened the door and I quickly followed behind him just before he closed it. He walked to the car and opened it's door. I dove into the passenger seat as Felix got in and started the car.

After I don't even know amount of time we arrived at the church. I noticed a black limo parked in front of the entrance. I must've been in there...

I never let pewdie out of my sight as he walked in; myself following behind. Everybody was seat except for me so I awkwardly stood to the side, making sure I had a good view.

Church music began to play as the coffin which most likely contained me was rolled down the isle. As it stopped moving I looked to Pewdie and he was sobbing.

"_P-Pewd's_...," Felix sobbed all throughout the ceremony up until the speeches came. He wiped his eyes and listened. The first speech was from one of my friends. The second one my mother said. They were both nice.

"Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg," I raised an eyebrow while watched said person walk up to the podium; I could already tell he was trying not to break down. I held my non existent breath, awaiting to see what he would say.

"W-We all know of this amazing person, cry. He was and is such an important person in all of our lives... In different ways for each of us. For some; he was a great son. For others; he was an amazing friend. But for me... For me cry was everything. He was and most definitely is my everything. I don't even know where I would be if I never met him. I am certainty glad I did. Our first encounter was over the internet, most of you know we were gamers on youtube. We played video games together and even though we never even met in person, we instantly became best friends. Cry would always be the one to cheer me up over Skype when I was down even if it was four AM in the morning for him," Felix stopped and chuckled for a moment but I knew it was just a distraction so he wouldn't break down in front of everyone. I had brought a hand to my mouth while I was listening. There was a pained feeling where my heart should have been beating if I were alive. Pewdie's words... They had gotten to me.

"Then that amazing day when we met in person. That's when I fell in love with him. His laugh, his smile, his everything and entire being. I couldn't point out a single thing I didn't love. A few months passed and I moved in with cry. I was the most happy I've ever been. A person couldn't ever make another happy more than cry made me. He was perfect. He means the world to me. That awful day when he passed... I have to say that I blame myself. I wasn't there to protect him from the dangers of this world. I wasn't able to do that for him. I regret it more than anything. I love cry so much and ever so dearly. If I could I would trade my life fore his. Even after he has passed I still feel his presents,"

"_Pewdie It wasn't your fault! Please don't blame yourself... It was my fault I'm sorry_...,"

"I have a question for all of you. How differently would your lives be if you never met cry? It would be a sad difference. Whenever Cry was around he brought a smile to all of our faces," I smiled a bit. Pewds words were sweet.

"He was a good man. A great one. He cared and was kind to all. We send our regards to you Cry; we all love you," He bowed his head slightly then walked back to assigned seat. I could tell that about half way through his speech tears threatened his eyes. I was pretty sure everyone was tearing up or crying. The Priest did something too...

The rest of the ceremony went on; the Priest blessing my body and other shit but I kept my attention on Felix. He was my main focus.

Everyone was then standing up and grabbing their jackets so I guessed that the funeral was over. I followed Felix into the limo. The question of "where were we going" was buzzing through my head. Maybe the burial. I didn't know.

My assumption was proven correct as my dad had to get Felix out of the car. I followed him. All around us were tombstones. That was were I was going to be laid.

Everyone walked over to a hole in the ground, making sure there was enough room for the coffin to get through. I stayed next to Pewds and while waiting for myself to be buried I read my tombstone but before long I tore my eyes off of it because the coffin came through and was set in the hole.

"N-No! Cry no! P-Please C-Cry please don't leave!," I started to wail "CRY! COME BACK CRY I LOVE YOU NO PLEASE!" I looked to Pewdie who was sobbing and looking at the coffin.

"_Pewds I'm_ _here dude! S-Stop crying it's okay_!"

"Cry goddammit w-why? Why!" People were trying to calm him down. It was hard to watch Pewdie like that. I hated it. I looked away for a little until I heard talking inside of my head.

"May You rest in piece., Cry I love you, bye. Just for now," His lips were unmoving so I wondered how I was hearing him. Pewds placed a rose gently on my coffin as everyone else did previously.

My dad knelt down next to Felix who was on the ground and tried comforting him by telling him it was alright. That I was alright. That it wasn't his fault. He didn't believe it.

It was late as my dad had said when I followed pewdie inside our home. He stopped for a minute probably in deep thought then walked over to the extras drawer and took something from it which I didn't see. Felix collapsed on the couch.

When I looked over at him my jaw dropped.

The sight, it made my heart stop. It made my body freeze up. Seeing my boyfriend holding a gun up to his head... I didn't know how to respond. Goddamn it brain process! I really needed to stop him. But how? I was invisible to him. He cannot see me anymore, fear and hatred shielded his sight so he couldn't see.

"_Felix_!" I tried to yell, my voice not reaching him "Felix no please!" My knees began to wobble, it was hard to stand but I did more than that. I got myself to step forward then made my way into a full out sprint, trying to reach the one with the gun. But it was too late.

With a quiet shaky voice he said "I'll be with you soon, cry," Then Felix pulled the trigger and he was gone. A gush of blood spat from the spot the bullet went through his head as Felix was knocked to his side from the impact.

"_FELIX NO_!" I couldn't stand any longer, my knees grew weak then I fell. I fell and sobbed in front of the man I loved, the one whom killed himself for me. It wasn't fair! He had such a life to live... So much a head of him that he will never get to do. It was all my fault. If I hadn't been so useless I would've saved both of us.

He was gone. I was gone. We were gone. Did that mean we would be together?

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**A/N:** yep. Nothing really new. If you read up until now then brofist to you -brofist- congratulations you survived a really boring repeat chapter! Next chapter will be out late today or sometime tomorrow after school.


	5. The End

**A/N:** last chapter! Maybe an extra chapter can be made if I'm convinced and not too lazy. Anyhow Enjoy~

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Everything was black

"_Pewdie_...," A husky whisper corrupted my sense of hearing, filling my ears with calls of my name.

"_Pewdie_...," It came again; a hushed voice in my ears. It was so familiar, the voice... I'd heard it before although I couldn't put a finger on it.

"_Pewdie_...," The voice... It was so far away but felt so close. I was confused. Hadn't I let myself fall into the dark shadows of death? So I could see him. Wasn't I dead? I couldn't move and I felt like a statue. I was dead... I was sure of it.

"_Felix_...," The sound of my name cut the thread that was my sanity. I began to scream, painfully. Terrified is what I felt. How I made a sound... made so fucking sense. The blackness wasn't pure; I saw a brightness far off. The screams kept on coming; I couldn't stop. My throat became raw and parched.

"_Pewdiepie_...!" There was warmth on my shoulder and I began to be shaken back and forth but it wasn't of my own will. I was being moved. Slowly the darkness turned to light. It was blinding, uncomfortable, but I couldn't see.

As soon as my eyes opened I shot up quickly into a seated position. A scream shook my body. Tears streamed from my eyes as I shook. Then I felt the warmth of someone else embracing me. The warmth was comforting and soothing so I leaned into it, the scent so very familiar.

"Felix it's okay... What happened?" It was his voice. Cry's voice. I looked to the source of heat.

"C-Cry!?" No. No no no! He wasn't there. I wasn't there. We were both dead! What the fuck!?

"Pewdie shh calm down. It was just a dream,"

"J-Just a dream?" It couldn't have been true. Just a dream? But it felt so real. It was so real... The detailed pain of it all. I couldn't believe it.

"Yes, just a dream," The arms which were around me tightened. I wrapped my arms around Cry while he embraced me closer. My heart which was beating a mile a minute slowly calmed along with the rest of my being.

"Cry... God... I'm so happy you're okay bro...,"

"What do you mean Pewds?" A hint of confusion was evident in his voice; the voice that I had missed so much even though it had apparently only been hours since I last heard it.

"My dream... You were gone... You died and it was my fault,"

"You were sniffling and screaming in your sleep. Is that why?" I nodded slowly and looked at Cry's unmasked face... He only took it off while sleeping and probably in the shower.. I didn't know exactly.

"Yes,"

"Don't worry Pewds. I won't leave you. Broday everyday remember?" A faint smile graced his face which made myself smile as well. I pressed our foreheads together, our lips inches apart.

"Yes. Broday everyday Cry...," I quickly closed the remaining space between us with a slow passionate kiss. Sadly we had to break apart soon for breathing issues.

"Pewds what time is it?" He asked with a bit of a yawn.

"2:40. Why?"

"Cuz I'm tired," we both then laid down, myself wrapping my arms around Cry's waist as he snuggled into my chest. Adorable.

"G'night again Pewds. See you in the morning," With that he dozed off into a deep sleep. As expected; I couldn't fall back asleep. I was too afraid and didn't want to risk the chance of the nightmare again.

I really hated the feeling of loosing Cry. Of not having him with me and for myself. I was greedy, yeah you could say that. I needed a way to make him forever mine. My night was spent thinking about that until my thoughts were interrupted by Cry groaning a bit and sitting up. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. Dammit he was adorable.

"Mornin Pewds. Did you sleep at all after...," Cry yawned and stretched for a second before getting out of bed.

"Nope," I gave him a goofy grin and followed Cry out of bed. We both went down the stairs and into the kitchen. I glanced at the table and sighed in relief when I noticed that there was no paper on it. It was just a dream... Yep.

Cry rolled his eyes. I took notice that he still didn't put on his mask. Maybe I would be lucky and he would forget.

I walked over to the stove and made some breakfast; bacon and eggs. After the meal was finished I placed the food on two plates, putting one in front of cry who was sitting a the table, and one at my side.

"Thanks Felix,"

"No problem bro," I sat down and quickly devoured the food then looked at the still eating cry.

"Want to go to the park today?" Cry looked up from his meal and thought for a second.

"I don't know...,"

"C'mon bro Please?" My face went into puppy dog mode and cry sighed. Hah he could never say no to that!

"Alright fine,"

"Yessss we can go shortly I have to do some things!" The chair I was sitting in almost fell backwards as I shot up quickly. I brought my dishes to the sink and placed them in the running upstairs. I got changed into what I would normally wear, also putting on my thick lensed glasses. I then did the rest of my morning chores.

"Yo Cry I'll be back in a second I'm just getting something! Hurry and get ready so we can go when I get back!" Once I stepped out of the house I sucked in my breath.

"It's okay... It was a dream... Nothing will happen I'll only be out for a bit...," I nodded and reassured myself that I was fine then went out to get what I needed.

I returned home twenty minutes later with the thing I needed. I was all smiles as I walked through the door.

"Cry I'm back let's go!"

"Okay I'm ready," Cry walked to the door and smiled to me. Damn he was wearing his mask.

"Aww Cryyy take it offfff," I whined.

"No Pewdie,"

"Oh Cry... Get your gameboy," Without any question cry did as told. I already had mine at the front so I just picked it up. Yeah.

After Cry returned we both walked out of the house, hand in hand. When I looked at him I could see a hint of a blush where the mask wasn't covering. I smiled.

We arrived at the park and we went to sit down under a shaded willow. Birds were singing and the sun was shining. It was a perfect day to do it...

We both started playing games on our devices for I don't even know how long. It was fun playing games outside. The fresh air brought a good mood to me. It helped me forget my dream somewhat. When I deemed it the perfect moment I turned off my gameboy and turned to cry.

"Cry...," I said soflty making said person look up at me with a smile, also turning off his device.

"What is it Pewds?" He gave me a questioning look. I gulped back whatever made my stomach do flips.

"You know how much you me to me right?" Even though I couldn't see I knew Cry blink in question at me.

"Y-Yeah. Why are you bringing it up now?" I shrugged and grinned.

"I just wanted to know,"

"You mean a lot to me too Pewdie," Cry smiled in elation then grabbed his device again, looking down at the screen as it turned on. I pressed my lips together into a line for a second before reaching over and using my hand, tilted Cry's head up to look me directly in the eyes. Heat radiated off his face, even through his mask.

"I need to ask you something then...,"

"O-Okay...," Cry was fully focused on me an not that video game as I pulled back my hand and stuffed it into my pocket. My hand clasped around a cube-ish shaped object the pulled it out. Cry's eyes widened and he gasped when I opened the box to reveal a ring.

"Cry, would you be the awesomest bro and marry me?" His whole face turned red in a cute blush.

"P-Pewdie I...I... Of corse Pewds of corse!" Cry joyfully wrapped his arms around my neck in a tight and elated embrace.

"Awesome bro," I smiled widely and we pulled back from the hug just enough to press our lips together in a passionate kiss. We didn't care if anyone saw us; we were too happy to give a shit. Or two. Once we broke apart I asked for Cry's hand.

"C'mon lemme put it on," Cry rolled his eyes and put his left hand in my palm. I slipped the ring on his ring finger and it fit just right. Slowly I brought his hand to my mouth and I kisses the ring on his hand. Cry squirmed and blushed crazily. It was fun to make him like that. For the rest of the afternoon we played games.

Cry was leaning onto my chest and my chin was rested gently on his head. I kissed the top of his head and he looked up.

"Now we can never be separated," I smiled.

"Yes. Separation isn't an option,"

Cry and I were engaged. I wouldn't let him out of my sight, not even once. Not ever was I going to let my dream become a reality. If it did... I didn't even have to worry about it. I was glued to Cry's side and he was glued to mine.

As Cry said; Separation Isn't an option.

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**A/N: **Don't you love trolls? Yeah so do I.

Now time for celebration! This is my first ever fanfiction I've completed. I'm so proud.

Please Reveiw!

Thankz to all who read it means so much!

Siesta!


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